Putting Parents’ Mental Health First
Too often, conversations about parenting focus only on child outcomes: academic performance, emotional regulation, social skills. But in reality, a child’s development is deeply connected to the well-being of their parent.
And parents are not machines. We are humans.
We experience stress, grief, overwhelm, and uncertainty. We carry invisible loads and make daily decisions in the face of limited support. Our mental health is not separate from how we parent, it’s part of the foundation.
Research shows that when parents are supported and resourced in their emotional lives, children benefit in tangible ways. But most systems still treat adult mental health as secondary. It’s time to flip that script.
Children Feel What We Feel, Even Early On
From infancy, children are wired to pick up on our emotional states. Studies show that babies as young as six months old respond differently depending on a caregiver’s mood. By age two, many toddlers start to comfort their parents or adjust their behavior based on what they observe.
This is not cause for alarm. It’s an opportunity!
When we let our children see us name our feelings and take steps to care for ourselves, we’re helping them build empathy, emotional awareness, and resilience.
We don’t need to explain everything. But providing simple, honest moments like…
“I’m feeling sad today, so I’m taking a little rest.”
“Sometimes adults feel worried too. I’m going to talk to someone who helps me feel better.
“I’m doing my best, and part of that means taking care of myself.”
…can send a powerful message: emotions are normal, and self-care is allowed.
The Myth of the Perfect Parent
Showing your child that you have emotional needs is not a failure. It’s not a weakness. It’s not something you need to apologize for. It’s a healthy, human response to a complicated world.
Studies have found that high parental stress is linked with child emotional dysregulation, behavioral concerns, and lower parental sensitivity (Goodman et al., 2011). On the other hand, when parents model emotion regulation and seek support, children demonstrate stronger coping and empathy skills (Morris et al., 2007).
What we model matters.
You Matter. Your Mental Health Matters.
Sometimes the hardest part is giving yourself permission.
Permission to slow down. to not have all the answers. to take care of yourself… not after everything else is done, but because you matter too.
You don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent. You don’t have to hide your feelings or carry everything alone.
You are allowed to be a full person with needs, limits, and emotions. You are allowed to ask for help.
Your mental health matters. Not only because it shapes your child’s well-being, but because you matter.
Children need to see that it’s okay to feel, to speak up, and to care for yourself.
Let’s make space for that kind of parenting.
Let’s make space for that kind of humanity.
Evidence and Resources
Goodman, S. H., et al. (2011). “Maternal depression and child psychopathology: A meta-analytic review.” Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 14(1), 1–27.
Morris, A. S., et al. (2007). “The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation.” Social Development, 16(2), 361–388.
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004). Children’s Emotional Development is Built into the Architecture of Their Brains. Harvard University Center on the Developing Child.
Zero to Three (2023). Tuning In: Parents’ Mental Health and What Babies Notice.
First Things First (2024). Babies Sense Parents’ Emotions. www.firstthingsfirst.org
Treatment Locator: www.treatment.gov
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org
Want to talk more about how we support working parents, caregivers, and systems change? Visitrbzornick.com or follow @RBZImpact.